Message #218

[Dai Kurohana]

Hmm... I'm in a creative writing class, so I see a few things that could be improved to make it easier to read.
1. Add a new paragraph for every line of dialogue
2. Add spaces to each paragraph, which prevents boulders liek the beginning of ch 2 from forming, keeping the reader interested.
3. Make sure it's clear who's talking. It gets a bit confusing when characters are having conversations.

Otherwise pretty good, but make sure to try a setting that readers can see clearly. It helps.