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Author Topic: Vindication  (Read 631 times)

Offline Wolfah

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Vindication
« on: December 02, 2009, 03:13:58 pm »
(No offence DMG)
Spoiler: Chapter 1 (hover to show)
« Last Edit: December 02, 2009, 06:29:04 pm by Wolfah »
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Offline Inept

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RE: Vindication
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2009, 03:43:40 pm »
Not sure I get the plot really but it has ACTION!!! AND A WOLF THING!!!! WOLVES ARE AWESOME!!!! Keep it going man....
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Spoiler: The rules of chibiness (hover to show)

Offline Wolfah

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RE: Vindication
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2009, 03:44:31 pm »
Thanks^_^ Chapter 3 is in working
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Offline Dai Kurohana

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RE: Vindication
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2009, 03:51:41 pm »
Hmm... I'm in a creative writing class, so I see a few things that could be improved to make it easier to read.
1. Add a new paragraph for every line of dialogue
2. Add spaces to each paragraph, which prevents boulders liek the beginning of ch 2 from forming, keeping the reader interested.
3. Make sure it's clear who's talking. It gets a bit confusing when characters are having conversations.

Otherwise pretty good, but make sure to try a setting that readers can see clearly. It helps.
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Offline Chibi Creator

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RE: Vindication
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2009, 05:05:33 pm »
1. Always indent when a new Paragraph starts. It lets the reader know that you are moving on to something else.
2. How exactly did I help you come up with this? Its not that I don't like it (I likt the story alot) but, I just want to know how I contributed.
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Spoiler: My Moderation rules (hover to show)
\"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.\"
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Offline Wolfah

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RE: Vindication
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2009, 06:28:33 pm »
@creator
You gave me ideas for charaters (Without meaning to)
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Offline Chibi Creator

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RE: Vindication
« Reply #6 on: December 02, 2009, 06:41:41 pm »
Care to explain Which ones? How? and In what way?
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Spoiler: My Moderation rules (hover to show)
\"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.\"
- Dom Helder Camara

Offline Wolfah

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RE: Vindication
« Reply #7 on: December 02, 2009, 06:50:13 pm »
In Chapter 3 (It isn't up yet) you helped me think of what charters would say
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Offline Chibi Creator

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RE: Vindication
« Reply #8 on: December 02, 2009, 06:51:43 pm »
Oh ok, I just found it odd that I helped inspire a story without even knowing that the story existed.
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Spoiler: My Moderation rules (hover to show)
\"When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.\"
- Dom Helder Camara

Offline Vergil

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RE: Vindication
« Reply #9 on: December 02, 2009, 06:52:23 pm »
sweet,love it...keep doing it
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Offline Wolfah

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RE: Vindication
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2009, 07:00:03 pm »
Okay, thanks
Spoiler: $$$ (hover to show)
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